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Monday, February 13, 2017

Do you push yourself?

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There is no doubt about it. Entertaining the MonSter is hard work. We MS Warriors are always on call. There is no room for a "time out".

Yet, it is emotionally and physically impossible to be "on call" 24/7. Or, is it?

The first thing we have to do is get our head in the game. Last week I fully realized the physical pain associated with MS as I fought with my legs to move and my hands to grasp. I succumbed to tears when no one was looking. I allowed myself to consume massive amounts of junk food as a ridiculous placebo to my pain. I found myself snapping at my son and my husband about trivial things, and basically just didn't care about their feelings. I mean, couldn't they see I was in pain? Weren't they aware of my condition? Why did they want my compassion about their own snuffly nose and  weather related aches and pains? How could they forget that I dealt with much worse on a daily basis?

And then, it dawned on me that my personal reaction to life was affecting my family life. 

And...it was basically my own fault.

My MS was not really their baggage.

I wasn't pushing myself, I wasn't being the warrior I profess to be.

Multiple sclerosis is hard work. In order to properly function, we must be ever mindful of that...every...single...day.

When I am doing that, I go to the floor for gentle/restorative yoga as soon as my son is off to school in the morning. The positive effects are nearly instantaneous. The problem? I often get lazy even under the judgmental eyes of my yoga Nazi feline pal. My cat knows me better than I know myself. I really believe she holds me accountable for how I will feel the rest of the day.

Which brings me to a valuable point: accountability. Some of us need that challenge to keep us honest, and if that works for you, go with it; even if it is a cat to whom you answer. 

So, get off your duff and move. You want to bet this thing? Non one is going to hand you the magic answer. Neuros can give advice; general practitioners can offer their two cents; friends can commiserate...but, the end result is how we meet this first hand.

I learned a long time ago that basically I AM ON MY OWN. And most of the Warriors I have met know that, too. We can share experiences and personal tips, but the end result is that we are oiur own physician.

This sounds rather depressing, but it is all in our perspective. And it is all in how we treat ourselves. Know your boundaries but never stop pushing yourself.

This past weekend was rather busy for me and after a local book signing on Saturday I just didn't think I could continue with my busy agenda for the rest of weekend. A two hour drive Sunday morning with the return drive in the afternoon for another book event? Was it worth it? did I really need to put myself through that?

I could cancel. I could be that deadbeat undependable person. Or I could mentally slap myself around a bit, get a good night's sleep, realize that my family would survive a few hours without me and get out there to do what I have always dreamed of doing. Since a little girl, I have always wanted to be a writer. Now I am. One of the responsibilities of a writer is to promote your work. That takes energy. That takes a mental, emotional and physical push.

So, I pushed myself and I had a great day. I sold a few books, but even more importantly, I connected with other MS Warriors. I made the effort and I had wonderful conversation with other folks living with the MonSter. 

I pushed myself. And I am glad.

Push your self today, this week, this month.
Lisa


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