Spring is almost here. Today we officially gain an entire hour of daylight.
When I awoke this morning, I was a bit discombobulated. My room was alight with, well, morning. My clock read a time when I should have already been up and about, but my head said, "Roll over, Lisa".
In fact, my head was not really working in sync with the rest of me.
My mind had taken a turn in the opposite direction of daylight saving time. My mind was revisiting the past.
A smile that used to make me feel warm and fuzzy, safe, secure, and wanted... I could almost touch it. I wanted to reach out and connect with the person to whom that smile belonged.
But that is not reality. No matter how I often I see him in my mind's (nearly every day) eye, that was then. This is now.
We cannot turn back the hands of time. We lived those times. That adventure is over and the next one demands our attention.
Multiple sclerosis was already hanging out in my system back in the day when that warm smile of which I dream was in my life. It just hadn't been properly introduced to me.
I knew something was not quite right with me as far back as my freshman year in college; maybe even prior to that. During freshman year at WVWC, my fingers started going numb after a session on the racket ball court. After complaining about this sensation to my mother, she located the appropriate medical person to take a look at me. The diagnosis: carpel tunnel. "Let's do tests the next time you come home from school."
So, I wore this weird wrist band n my right hand for weeks. And I stopped playing racket ball.
Later on I experienced periodic bouts of dizziness and out-of-control balance. By then "warm, fuzzy smile" and I were a serious item. I thought my strange physical ailments were a result of that one true love I was destined to recognize at this age appropriate time in my life. I literally fell for him on more than one occasion.
It was many years after "warm smile" was no longer a part of my life that the real culprit jumped up to shake my hand. And it came on the wake of another one true love.
With the birth of my one and only child, MS manifested itself into the real demon it is. (Read more in my book I Have MS. What's Your Super Power? @HeadlineBooks.com)
Six months after giving birth to my only child, my early summer morning walk was interrupted by the most intense and frightening moments of my life. That morning in June 2001, I learned how important it is to face the importance of NOW and to embrace the blessings of where we are and not where we have been.
We cannot change the past. In fact, I am not certain that changing it would do much to alter where we are today. Multiple sclerosis was probably always a part of me. There is nothing I could have done differently to change that. There was nothing my mother did in raising me that would prevent the emergence of the MonSter.
Turning back time changes nothing in the end.
God has a plan for us all. MS is my challenge, not my penance.
I really don't know much about that foreign fellow who said it, but he said best. "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." (His name begins with an N. You know who I mean. I just cannot spell his name.)
So, on this first day of daylight saving time, save yourself the worry of how the past has affected your present. It is what it is, friends.
Wake up. Go to church. Surround yourself with family (today is "game day" at my mother's house). Eat fun Sunday meals. Smile. Remember the warm, fuzzy smile of days gone by, but don't dwell on it. Enjoy the memory, but vow to make new ones.
Thank you for reading my sermon. Now it's time for me to get ready to listen to one prepared by a professional. (Yes, Pastor Larry, I set my clocks last night and I WILL be in church today.)