Today I unofficially started back to school after enjoying a summer at home. I didn't really want to get up and go, but I knew at least that I would only be in the building for an hour or so. Tomorrow is a different story since teachers will attend at least one meeting and then Thursday is a full day of test analyzing and curriculum prep before we can spend Friday in our classrooms doing the really important preparation for our students next week.
Going to a full-time paid job is a choice we make in order to secure a comfortable life for our families. Even though it is commitment, there is always the option to play hooky or be irresponsible and just quit, right? Of course, we teachers would never consider that. The point is, we determine our priorities when it comes to employment. Do we prefer food on the table and a solid roof over our heads? That is our choice as responsible occupants of planet earth.
MS does not necessarily allow flexible priorities. Yesterday I exercised for an hour and enjoyed myself immensely. This morning my feet refused to move in the direction I wanted to go. I could not grip a pen long enough to write out my shopping list and I just knew it wasn't going to be a productive day for. My normal fifteen minute toiletry time extended into approximately 45 minutes, which meant that I wouldn't have time for breakfast if I was to be on time for the orientation program at my school.
The beauty of today's job, though, was that I didn't need to be there; I just wanted to be there. I did not, however, want to make a spectacle of myself by tripping up the auditorium steps in front of our visitors; nor was it acceptable to loose bladder control because my legs refused to take me to the rest room on time. These are the full-time concerns of having MS.
I never stop thinking about my disease. It isn't allowed. I have to be on my "toes" 24/7, even when they are not physically supporting me.
I really want to look forward to next week when school gets fully under way, but I am also anxious about my performance. Quit, you say?
That is actually not an option I am prepared to practice. I like what I do and who I do it with. I just don't like knowing that my options are limited with MS.
Sure, I can quit my job; but I can never quit MS.
It is what it is.